Use These Words

yan3 — Sat, 19 Jun 2010 09:23:14 +0000

Im leaving. Its not you, its me.

gave up on giving up

yan3 — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 05:50:22 +0000

maybe we’re torn apart

…maybe if we try hard enough,

…

maybe.

yan3 — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 11:08:58 +0000

i am in love.

but i still think love is a stupid thing that one uses as an excuse to manipulate another for his/her own benefit. and i admit i am fucking guilty. when i’m lazy (which is… everytime), nic will turn off the lights, get me water, turn on the aircon/fan/tv/charger etc. and most of the times of which he asked, i did the same. most of the time.

or for his/her own sense of security – you can’t go out/text/talk to this particular person because her boobs are too big and even though she is unfortunate looking that doesn’t matter, because we both know you will be looking at her boobs. only her boobs.

which doesn’t make sense because love becomes an excuse to deprive someone of something HUGE like boobs analogy just so you will feel that tad secure bout not losing that one person you love to someone else.

and in time to come, your lover becomes your main source of security. here’s the part where the other party suffocates and die.

i love you more = i care more = i restrict more = bullshit

we’re good together you know we are. we just have to bear in mind sometimes a little boob analogy is enjoyable and does not hurt the relationship as much as your security. now, LET’S GO CLUBBING OMGGGGGG I AM FUCKING EXCITED FUCKING ADDICTED AND I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU SAY BOUT CLUBBERS. I KNOW i indulge in these momentary nothings because i have nothing else to seek these care-freeness from so shut up already. its either this or church, i just happened to choose the former.

yan3 — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 01:40:29 +0000

Sometimes I wish I am only responsible for myself and my own feelings. So when I am pissed, there is no need for me to suppress it in order to make the other party feel comfortable and or and reassure them it has nothing to do with them. Goddamnit, I am already frustrated with the world, where do I summon the patience from to explain to one that the world does not revolve around him? Or in MY case, feel helpless and guilty for lacking the ability to hide my anger at really nothing in particular. I am not exactly waking up and wishing the world would bend over backwards and do things as I please – well even though that happens. Rarely. All I was asking for was some… for a lack of better word, space, to be pissed with the world because of the goddamn bitch called insomnia who haunted me all the way till 5am. And I do not think that is a lot to ask for in life. And I do not think I will ever be capable of making anyone feel okay in the presence of my anger because misery loves company and, really, I don’t give a fuck bout anything else when I am pissed.

Sleeping pills I need sleeping pills.

YOU AND ME COULD WRITE A BAD ROMANCE

yan3 — Fri, 28 May 2010 17:39:30 +0000

i just had the worst shit fest ever and my tummy is still damn annoyingly uncomfortable. i am home on this friday night.. again. was it last friday that i went to zouk? feels like forever. and last monday i was just in krabi omg feels like a long time ago already. …i want some escape i dread work even though i am getting better at it (and i thought that would never happen) – my job scope is expandinggg not that i mind because i believe my pay will as well and i need the experience if i intend to follow the HR track, but still, i wanna sleep at home. and i need to reward myself somehow for the amount of work i have been putting in, haven’t been doing that. haven’t been able to do that. i am still broke. and i miss the beat of phuture without a care in the world. how come you don’t, e? nic always ask why you can go without partying and i can’t.

went prawning with nic & bro yday. poor catch. couldn’t wait to get my ass back and just snuggle in bed. have been eating a hell lot and i want want want more satays damnnnnnnnn tmr ok nic. i can eat like 20 but that will be 10 freaking bucks. what’s wrong with the world these days. daylight robbery.

ohhhh and bbq chicken wings…

peak

yan3 — Fri, 21 May 2010 06:13:25 +0000

There is really nothing much to say. Life is good but as good as it is, shit happens. Happiness is like the beautiful weather that visits on some days and turns gloomy on others. Never much of a sudden change yet always catching us off guard, leaving us in that dark corner when we least expect it.

Been there done that. Well yeah, fuck you, unpredictability.

Interesting fact: I struggled with being attached. Well to be clear, it was nothing like regret – just a pile of what ifs and a lot of question marks when I’m alone and thinking about nothing in particular. Being single was great, I loved the attention. I loved how I wasn’t responsible for anyone’s feelings and how everything, could be done in the name of fun. The limitless potential was attractive even though the guys themselves, not much. There was a lot of adjustments, being attached again – especially since i didn’t have the privilege of the usual par tor and romantic dinners and such. We had mac for our recent anniversary because we got too lazy to hit Dempsey.

But recently all the doubts disappeared and I’m falling back neatly into the comfort and contentment of a relationship. I told myself love will grow, and I was right. Nic is as good as any man can get and i’m lucky a girl to be with him. Every song ends, but is that any reason not to enjoy the music?

yan3 — Tue, 18 May 2010 10:43:08 +0000

i’m back!

and so are we <3

@ cheesecake cafe

yan3 — Mon, 10 May 2010 15:23:31 +0000

aint going so well. there’re lots of things i want and i cannotttttttttt wait

i want my samsung corby pro (now)
i want my parents to stop being pissed about krabi and bangkok
i want the tension to cease
i want MORE MONEY
i want my friendship(s)
i want nic to annoy me to sleep tonight and tmr night but we have a whole week after
and i do wna come back alive
i want my gum contouring I CANNOT WAIT

saw nic in his army attire today and

melted.

why so cute?

1. repaint wardrobe.

2. buy new curtains.

Here we go again

yan3 — Sun, 09 May 2010 13:01:06 +0000

i was at giant today(alone grocery shopping alone:( ) and i realized one can tell how a family is like just looking at the groceries in their cart. don’t ya think.

i miss you e. i think about you, ALOT.

and i miss zouk, why i miss zouk i have no idea. i miss how it takes everything away, i guess.

parents aren’t okay with me going thailand but you know me, i’m going. i can’t wait to get my ariel pens i’m getting 2 pack of them this time. ++ ariel ring file, cup and pen holder. woohoo

Damage Done

yan3 — Sat, 08 May 2010 06:42:53 +0000

friday went as close to taking me away as tap water was alcoholic. i didn’t manage to even get my ass out of the house, nic and i quarreled the kinda quarrel that was unproductive and which aftermath consist of only more defenses. things were back to normal yeah, we were rolling in bed like dogs do in mud but i know, we both know better.

i didn’t even manage to sleep early resulting in a late saturday afternoon – of which i’m just gonna waste the hours away until its time to gather with the rest.

half my weekend gone, how?

someone save my saturday night…

and all that time while you said i have a problem, i look at you and wonder if you knew you had one too. words are superfluous. they always have been, between us.